HOPE Part II: When your life doesn't go as planned

I'm sure you've heard the saying, "If you want to hear God laugh, tell him your plans." Does that mean we shouldn't plan? I don't think so. But our desire to live life according to a plan not willed by God can lead to heartbreak, brokenness and defeat. When things don't go as planned, we sometimes ask ourselves, "why is this happening to me," or "what did I do to deserve this?" The truth is, God's word tell us that "all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purposes.” (Romans 8:28)

 We all have a unique calling on our life; a purpose that no one else can fulfill in the Kingdom. Most of us spend our whole lives searching for our purpose. Mark Twain once said, “the two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.” But what if you're so driven to fulfilling your own plans that you leave no room for God to show you his will for your life? If you don't take time to sit, listen and seek, how will you ever be able to hear his voice and see his signs? 

That's what happened to me. Please read on for the second part of my current blog series. HOPE Part II: When your life doesn't go as planned.

My whole life I was raised to have goals. I was a first generation college student; my dad finally completed his degree when I was 16, but I was the first person in my family to graduate high school and immediately go onto a four-year university. Frankly, I felt a lot of pressure; I'd go on to be the only member of my family to take a traditional path to education. It was very important to my parents and became very important to me. I was so driven to get the next 'A,' plan for the next class and set myself up for success. Before long, I didn't need anyone else to hold me accountable. I knew what needed to be done.

That drive has taken me very far in life; so far that I believe it became an obstacle to seeing God's plan for my life. Thanks to all my hard work, I graduated college in 3.5 years. Because of an internship my senior year, I landed a full-time salaried position three months after graduation. I was on my way! Education, check. Job, check. In the middle of college I met my now husband. He proposed a month after I started my job. Fiancé , check! We got married 1.5 years later.

Life was grand! Now, I had a husband who liked plans, too. We decided before we got married we wanted to wait 5 years before trying to start a family. Seems reasonable, right? But what I didn't allow for in my life and marriage was for Jesus to truly take the wheel (thanks to Carrie Underwood I'm now singing that catchy song in my head). I always kept God at an arm's length. I only ever put enough trust in Him so I wouldn't be too disappointed when things didn't happen. I didn't fully understand God's grace and desire to bless us until much later.

Five short months into our marriage, I found myself suffering a miscarriage; it was the most traumatic thing I've ever experienced. I was in the middle of a stressful season at work and didn't even realize I was pregnant until I lost the baby. I was on the pill (plan) and had been taking antibiotics for a UTI. I just wasn't expecting it. But God was trying so desperately to reach me. I just didn't listen.

Flash forward over the next 4 years and two more miscarriage. I had begun to pray fervently. I was unhappy at work. I was stressed, exhausted and at the end of my rope. My husband was self-employed, working long hours. I had this nagging feeling to go see another doctor. It wasn't just intuition, God was pulling at me. See, he'd been trying to get my attention for years, ever since I gave my heart to him when I was 16 and confessed Jesus as my Lord and Savior. But I wasn't ready to SURRENDER my plans to God.

But guess what? I was on the verge of breakthrough.

It was nearly my five-year wedding anniversary. BABY TIME!!! I found a new gynecologist since I had this feeling (the Holy Spirit) to change doctors. I made an appointment and was ready to have a baby. At that visit in July 2012, my new doctor diagnosed me with Polycystic Ovary Syndrome, an endocrine disorder that can cause ovarian cysts, making conception and pregnancy difficult (my miscarriages). Left untreated, it can lead to serious health problems including heart disease and diabetes. But, all I heard was an answer (thank you Jesus) to my miscarriages and for the first time had HOPE that motherhood may not be impossible.

Please join me next time for the continuation of this series. Thanks for reading!

HOPE Part I

Did you ever want something so badly that you would stop at nothing to get it?  Whether it is a material thing, a relationship or something intangible (i.e. peace, freedom), we all have goals, dreams and visions of our future.

I was baptized as a baby, but I have been seeking God all my life.  I really started to pursue a relationship with Jesus in my early 20s, when a lot of young women and men are searching to find who they are. One scripture that I have always clung to, whether I was walking closely with the Lord or bumbling my way through life, hanging on by a thread, was Jeremiah 29:11.

It has become my family's scripture, the one my husband and I pray out loud, in the quiet, together and alone.  It really sums up what we all need to make it in this crazy world: HOPE. Placing my trust in God to guide me and help me navigate life was the best decision I ever made.  It doesn't make things perfect, but it makes life enjoyable. 

This scripture has a particular place in my heart as it relates to my hopes and dreams to become a mother.  In the 'About Me' section of my blog, I talk a little about my road to motherhood because it was the catalyst for a lot of big changes in my life.  The news of my health troubles and infertility led to me making big changes in my life spiritually, physically, mentally and emotionally. The greatest joy to come out of my journey to motherhood has been my relationship with Jesus.  

I'm going to unfold a story to you over the next few months.  It is a story of grief, brokenness, heartache, trust, redemption, love, friendship and of course, HOPE.  I pray you will follow my blog as I share a very personal but important story, one that changed the course of my entire life and led me to a place I hope each and every one of you finds.  

My greatest wish for you is that you find your purpose and embrace the man or woman God created you to be, for you to have hope and a future.

Yours in health,

Coach Steph

Inspiring Woman #1 - Real Women, Real Struggles, Real Inspiration Series

It's here! The first in a series of four blog posts about real women taking control of their self-image, fitness and health.  Every other week I'll bring you a story from a woman just like you and me who is just trying to love her self, be healthy and take back the notion that we have to be "perfect" to be fit and healthy.

Meet Brittany Arroyo:

Brittany is a nationally certified personal trainer (ACSM) out of Viera, FL and has been dedicated to changing her body and self-image through heavy weightlifting. 

Brittany has a history of eating disorders and being unkind to her body.  Through her fitness and wellness journey, she has been at war with the most powerful "muscle" in her body: her mind.  

Brittany counsels clients, friends and family members about health and fitness issues and has shared what she herself and others deal with.  She also gives her personal philosophy on coaching clients with diet and exercise.

Below is Brittany's personal and candid narrative of these trials and triumphs.  

Disordered Eating/Body Dysmorphia 

"I have a long past of disordered eating and body dysmorphia. While I am much healthier now, I find myself constantly berating myself (too fat, too many calories, not strong enough, not pretty enough, the list goes on). I say things to myself that I would never imagine saying to a loved one or client,  and yet since I've started working in the fitness industry, I've heard many women (and some men) say these things aloud about themselves. Most of the time it's in a joking manner, but I recognize the hurt and pain behind it, as it is my own. 

My struggle is with myself; how do I preach body love and acceptance when I don't accept and love my own body? On the flip side, how do I encourage healthy living and weight without creating unhealthy thought patterns and habits in the process?

I don't remember a time when I've felt comfortable with my body. I stopped eating in high school.  It got to a point where my parents intervened.  They said, 'get better or we're getting you professional help.'  I did go to therapy, but I wasn't ready to deal with it.

People pass judgement that mental health is internal.  As a society, we're bombarded with images and media. Appearance is important. I was raised in a loving home with supportive parents.  I was always comparing myself to others.  I think about it everyday.

I have a PT client in her 50s.  She's really fit but wants to look better.  She told me she's had liposuction and cosmetic surgery.  She only weighs 120 pounds yet still sees a fat person in the mirror.  I want my clients to accept and better themselves.  I want them to stop seeing unmet unrealistic expectations as failure. 

I need to find balance. I'm working on that and self-awareness.  I didn't even acknowledge the problems and the thought process until 1.5 years ago.  People want to train with me because of the knowledge and experience I have.  It's funny the way other people perceive us is not how we see ourselves.

Unhealthy Patterns on Nights and Weekends

"I struggle with not falling into the binge/restrict cycle. I eat super clean on weekdays, all day long and then night-time or the weekend rolls around and I lose my dang mind. I struggle daily to find a balance between being 'on' or 'off.'" 

Teaching Healthy Habits

"Tracking and calorie counting can lead to obsessive behavior.  'Cheat days' can be very detrimental.  I give general guidelines that will work for most people.  2-3 meals a week, eat whatever you want.  I try to screen people and be aware of triggers or red flags with clients.  I keep track and find out the WHY behind why people want to lose weight or get fit. 

I feel like disordered eating is very common.  We've come to accept strange habits as normal.  Juice cleanses, restrictive food habits and 'trendy diets' are all accepted as normal.  Hollywood perpetuates them.  Every person is a personal trainer and expert.  There's so much misinformation on the internet. I only read articles with scientific notation.  If there's no study to back it up, it's just conjecture.  I give resources with legitimate professionals in the industry."   

Working Out is 'All or Nothing'

"I am fairly good about this one.  My clients and friends, not so much. I find many people think they need to workout 7 days a week for an hour or more or else it's useless and they might as well do nothing. I try to emphasize that something is always better than nothing and more is not better but better is better when it comes to fitness.

Most of my clients think that if they can't do the perfect workout, then they shouldn't bother.  Effectiveness of your workout is more important than how long it is.  I give clients at home workouts to do in their off days.  Quickie workouts to create a habit. 

Set a minimum amount of days to workout, whether at home or they gym, and stick to it.  2-3 days at a minimum is my recommendation."

Brittany's Biggest Epiphany

"Lift weights.  Nothing will change your life more than to put weights on a barbell and lift. Lifting weights is the key to looking better, feeling better and thinking better.   I'm most proud of being able to deadlift 1.5 times my body weight and squat over 200 lbs.  I feel strong and powerful."

---Brittany Arroyo, ACSM Certified Trainer
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Committed to continuing education. PT is a science and exercise changes all the time.

Thank you to Brittany Arroyo for your candid testimony and advice to women and men.  Trainers are people too and no one is perfect.  When we stop comparing ourselves to others, we can start to achieve balance.  

Please join us in two weeks for our next profile of and inspiring woman.

Inspiring Woman #2

Perri G - Wife, Mother and Full-Time Chauffeur

Perri became a mom at age 40.  Blessed beyond measure, she struggles with having time to workout, eat well and achieve balance with her mom, wife and work duties.  I think a lot of people can really relate to Perri's story.  She and her husband are trying to be good examples of self-love and healthy body image to their son.  I hope to help Perri find solutions for her busy life, and in turn, help you make exercise and meal planning a priority in your own life.

Thanks for reading my blog this week.  This project is really important to me. I think we need to be talking about our body and food issues.  The only way the rhetoric will change is if we demand it to.  Love your body.  Love your exercise.  Love yourself.

Yours in health,
Coach Stephanie
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Real Women, Real Struggles, Real Inspiration

I know it's been a while since my last post, but I've been working on lots of projects that will help me be a better fitness and wellness coach for you, my loyal readers and followers. It has always been my goal with this blog to help coach you to live your best life, not anyone else's.

Starting this week, I'm rolling out a new series, titled "Real Women, Real Struggles, Real Inspiration." Every two weeks you'll hear from one of four phenomenal women who have entrusted me with their biggest fears, body image issues, fitness and nutrition woes and life situations that they fight to not deter them from their ultimate goals: to be the healthiest woman they can be.  That said, this isn't just a series for women, men can benefit too.  As I was reminded by one of these women, whom I'll introduce below, men struggle with body image and are a lot of times not represented adequately.

These women are friends of mine who I've come to know from all stages and phases of my life: my childhood, my past career and my current career.  They are all remarkable and different, and I can't wait for you to get to know them.  

These women, like many others, are trying to find balance in their lives. I think you can never have enough strong women in your life to relate to and learn from.  I also think the more we have open dialogue about our fears and insecurities, the more united we'll be come. 

Now, let's meet the ladies!

Inspiring Woman #1 
Brittany Arroyo - Certified Personal Trainer and All-Around Bad-Ass


Brittany is an ACSM-certified personal trainer.  She has transformed her mind and body with the power of weightlifting.  She is an incredible woman of character and strength, and I can't wait for you to get to know her.  Brittany was very candid with me about her past eating disorder and how it still affects her today.  She's now a very strong and fit woman, but still struggles with body image.  I think you'll learn that trainers are human, too, and it's ok to not be perfect because no one is. 

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Inspiring Woman #2
Perri G - Wife, Mother and Full-Time Chauffeur

Perri became a mom at age 40.  Blessed beyond measure, she struggles with having time to workout, eat well and achieve balance with her mom, wife and work duties.  I think a lot of people can really relate to Perri's story.  She and her husband are trying to be good examples of self-love and healthy body image to their son.  I hope to help Perri find solutions for her busy life, and in turn, help you make exercise and meal planning a priority in your own life.






Inspiring Woman #3
Carolyn J - Wife, Mom and Overcomer of "Mommy Guilt"

Carolyn completely overhauled the way she and her family eats.  Then, she fell in love with the gym and started getting stronger and seeing the changes in her body.  She struggles with wanting to spend as much time as possible with her husband and two sons, and exercising, something that brings her peace and stress relief.  We'll also discuss Carolyn's challenges with avoiding boredom with healthy eating and not putting so much pressure on herself to be perfect.






Inspiring Woman #4
Barbara L - Southern Belle, Loving Wife, 
Awesome Grandma

Barbara lives with Hashimoto's Thyroiditis and Hypothyroidism, which has caused her to gain weight.  Additionally, she has chronic nerve pain that makes cardio exercise painful.  I hope to help Barbara find exercises she can do, as well as live a life she enjoys with food she loves, while still achieving her weight loss goals. 











Can't wait to share and discuss so many hot topics with you all.    Together, we can live our best lives and support and encourage one another.

Yours in health,
Stephanie